Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
