Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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