You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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