tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
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I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
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Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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