Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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