billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
