I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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