can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize