It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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