Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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