This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
