Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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