I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
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I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize