I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
