I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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