This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
