I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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