Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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