? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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