It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
