I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
