Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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