Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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