i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
