Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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