You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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