im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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