I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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