Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
