eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
