evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
