I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
