um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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