You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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