I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
