Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
