There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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