After last night, I could never be a politician.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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