The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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