my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
