How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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