____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
