My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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