Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
