i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
