I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
