I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
