Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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