Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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