i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We don't watch enough power rangers
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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