I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
