im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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