he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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