i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
