Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
