moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
PANTIES FOUND
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