Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
