Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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