I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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