Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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