I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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