it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
