you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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