Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
